“And here’s the locker room,” Pat Riley was saying. “It still kinda smells like champagne if you sniff carefully. Anyway, let me introduce you to some of the guys.” Shawne looked around. The Heat locker room wasn’t any nicer than any of his previous teams’ locker rooms, but what really mattered was the players in…
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Chris Copeland 21 Points/6 Threes Full Highlights (11/1/2014)
Maybe it’s just me, but does Chris Copeland not totally look like an Egyptian pharaoh? That hair is like some kind of elaborate headpiece, and he’s always dressed In Pacers’ gold, which sort of resembles one of those gold coffin thingies that the Egyptians put their mummies in. I actually traveled to Egypt to find…
Read MoreJaVale McGee 8 Points/4 Blocks Full Highlights (11/1/2014)
JaVale McGee, clad scantily in a leopard-print speedo, relaxed in his outdoor hot tub. The contrast between the cool mountain air on his chest and the warm bubble-jets on his legs was sublime, much like the pairing of a medium-bodied Tuscan Chianti and rich dark chocolates from Paris which floated on a tray in front…
Read MoreGordon Hayward 24 Points Full Highlights (11/1/2014)
Gordon Hayward sauntered up to his new teammates, Dante Exum and Joe Ingles. “I couldn’t help but overhear your guys’ conversation.” Both of the Australians perked up. “So you got the new Assassins Creed too, mate?” Dante asked. “The gameplay is just on another level.” Gordon laughed. “Well, actually, no. Those action-adventure games are for…
Read MoreDerrick Favors Career High 32 Points Full Highlights (11/1/2014)
Who knew creating and marketing a line of cookbooks was so hard? Let it be known DownToBuck is a savvy businessperson. He can sense a good business opportunity and is quick to seize it, like a cobra uncoiling to strike its unwitting victim. So it only makes sense that I would copyright the term “Flavors…
Read MoreO.J. Mayo 25 Points/5 Assists Full Highlights (10/31/2014)
Walking the quiet, midnight streets of Milwaukee, O.J. Mayo took his time, relishing the peacefulness after an exhausting, yet exhilarating, win. Scoring 25 points was so much better than game after game of DNP’s as he had experienced the previous season. He soon approached the McDonald’s that was on his route. Intending to walk by…
Read MoreNerlens Noel 14 Points/5 Dunks Full Highlights (10/31/2014)
Nerlens listened patiently to his teammate’s explanations, then frowned. “I dunno dude. That sounds like tanking to me.” Shaking his head, Tony Wroten tried to assuage Nerlens’ concerns. “It couldn’t be farther from tanking. We play hard every game, every possession. The only thing we do different from other teams is that we just shoot…
Read MoreIsaiah Thomas 23 Points Full Highlights (10/31/2014)
Isaiah Thomas browsed Kickstarter without much direction. He liked the concept of the site; but why did there have to be so much infeasible crap on it? It seemed every project he backed went up in flames within a month. He scrolled quickly through the “fashion” section, as usual. Nothing but ugly clothes for uglier…
Read MoreThaddeus Young 26 Points Timberwolves Debut Full Highlights (10/29/2014)
Thaddeus Young walked into Irma’s Diner and smiled faintly at the old-timey decor. It certainly fit his impression of what restaurants in Minnesota were like. Crocheted this and knitted that covered every piece of furniture in the operation, and the people sitting at the long bar were all either wearing overalls or sweatpants. Sitting down…
Read MoreMarcus Morris 21 Points/5 Threes Full Highlights (10/29/2014)
Marcus saw his brother, Markieff, grab a heavily-contested rebound. Rather than dump it off to Dragic or Bledsoe, Markieff took the ball himself, and Marcus began to sprint alongside him. Not making eye contact, Marcus instead began to think the phrase “throw me the lob” over and over. He was sure it would work this…
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