Wrong is such an ugly word. I prefer the term “intellectually open-minded”. “Wrong” has so many negative connotations. Given his play to start the season, it looks like I was at least partially intellectually open-minded about DeMarre Carroll. I had basically no confidence that he would be any good at all once he left the…
Read MoreTag: Toronto Raptors
Luis Scola 22 Points Full Highlights (11/18/2015)
No. This is not what I wanted. When I saw Luis Scola scored 22 points, I was thinking one thing and one thing only: Post moves. At least one, right? Wrong. This is jumper city right here. Not that jumpers aren’t cool. They are. No denying that. But they are objectively less cool than post…
Read MoreCory Joseph 17 Points Full Highlights (11/15/2015)
I don’t really expect Cory Joseph to continue shooting 57% from the field like he has been through the first eleven games, but then again, there’s a lot of occurrences in this world that I don’t expect. Like Jennifer leaving me. And my favorite brand of cheesey-flavor chips getting discontinued. These are all things that…
Read MoreJonas Valanciunas 20 Points Full Highlights (11/13/2015)
I haven’t heard as many complaints about Jonas Valanciunas this year from Raptors’ fans. I haven’t noticed any great improvement in his game so far this season, but I can think of a good reason why that would be. Once the Toronto faithful saw the horrors of Bismack Biyombo’s offense, I’m sure anything else would…
Read MoreLuis Scola 21 Points Full Highlights (11/11/2015)
With the Raptors’ addition of Luis Scola, they have officially given me a reason to watch them this year. What can I say? I don’t like Lowry or DeRozan (especially not DeRozan), Valanciunas is meh, Carroll is meh, wait a minute they started James Johnson after letting him rot? Whoa. Unexpected. Anyway, yeah, maybe if…
Read MoreCory Joseph 19 Points Full Highlights (11/6/2015)
I don’t even know why the Raptors bothered to pick Cory Joseph up. Well, I do (here’s a hint: starts with a “C”, end with an “anadian”), but when the Spurs fail to retain somebody, you know that there’s something really wrong with him. If he isn’t wanted by the best organization in the league,…
Read MoreLuis Scola 19 Points/1 Three Full Highlights (11/3/2015)
Question: what effect did his stint with the Suns have on Luis Scola? Hypothesis: the Suns ruined Luis Scola forever when they tried to turn him into a three-point shooter. Data: Basketball-reference is really screwing me over right now, how would you like it if I errored your internal server you piece of crap. Pending….
Read MoreDeMarre Carroll 21 Points Full Highlights (10/30/2015)
Mark Bartelstein answered the phone call with anticipation. If the Raptors were calling him, that meant they were interested in his client, DeMarre Carroll. He had his bargaining tactics pre-planned. If they proposed a lowball offer, Mark would trot out the advanced stats, the personal stories that exemplified DeMarre’s high character, and some fabricated offers…
Read MoreTerrence Ross 21 Points Full Highlights (10/30/2015)
The general feeling I get from the Raptors fanbase is that Terrence Ross is a festering agglomeration of disgusting trashy bits. “He’s not aggressive enough” they say. “Just a soft jump shooter who can’t shoot” they say. “Why can’t he be more like Bruno?” they wonder. Just kidding! Toronto fans hate Bruno even more than…
Read MoreJonas Valanciunas 21 Points Full Highlights (10/28/2015)
Jonas Valanciunas sat on his couch, dozens upon dozens of throw pillows scattered upon the cushions. He had achieved optimal comfiness levels by augmenting the pillows with a soft blanket and a twelve-pack of Heineken, but these material comforts shed no light on the action that was unfolding on his TV screen. “You have to…
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