March 2014 – Page 11

Austin Rivers 14 Points/9 Assists Full Highlights (3/12/2014)

You aren’t gonna win many games in the NBA when your fourth quarter offense consists entirely of Austin Rivers. All 5 shots, made or assisted by the guy who was probably the worst player in the league last year. Though to be fair, he had a really good night, with some nice finishes at the…

Amir Johnson 20 Points Full Highlights (3/12/2014)

Amir Johnson, cozy in his Snuggie, was again taking part in his favorite pastime: gauging the internet’s opinion of him. After watching an expertly-edited video entitled “Amir Johnson 22 Points Full Highlights (1/29/2014)”, he scrolled down to view the comments. He smiled as a fan of his had earnestly made a comment reading, “If his…

Kenneth Faried 26 Points Full Highlights (3/12/2014)

Kenneth “Far Out” Faried could be considered the ultimate hustle player. The only time his motor ever gets shut off is if there’s no weed around. He makes up for his lack of “traditional” offensive skills by throwing his body and hair all over the place, becoming a marijuana-scented blur on the court. In this…

Brandon Jennings 24 Points Full Highlights (3/12/2014)

Will Bynum approached his teammate after practice. “Hey, Brandon, wanna hit the weight room?” Brandon made a great show of being tired after the intense scrimmage. “Yo, man, I’d love to, but I’m just wiped. Maybe some other time.” “You can’t go the whole season without lifting, Brandon. Come on, just for a bit,” Will…

Danny Granger 18 Points Full Highlights (3/12/2014)

Has Danny Granger put the Clippers over the top, so that they are now truly contenders? No. If they were contenders before the signing, they’re obviously still contenders. But if they weren’t contenders before the signing, I fail to see how Danny Granger would improve them to that status. In other words, he doesn’t “move…

Mirza Teletovic 17 Points/3 Blocks Full Highlights (3/12/2014)

Nickname jerseys: the dumbest idea ever? The whole concept of nicknames for a player is not a good one anyway. Only a very scant few are worthwhile. “King James”, are you freaking kidding me. “MT3” isn’t very good either. If you’re gonna have a nickname at least have it not involve your own name in…

Cole Aldrich Career High 12 Points/3 Blocks Full Highlights (3/12/2014)

It only makes sense that, in his first career start, Cole Aldrich would score a career high. This is the first time any team has had enough confidence in him (actually every other big on the Knicks is dead and Cole is not, but that’s basically the same thing as confidence anyway) for him to…

Nate Wolters 14 Points Full Highlights (3/11/2014)

Forget about Nate Wolters. He is old hat. The rookie you should really be excited about is Tony Mitchell. No, not that Tony Mitchell. The other one. The Bucks one. The D-League dunk champion. Because he just threw down a sick poster dunk on Gorgui Dieng. The pass by Wolters was nice. But the dunk…

JJ Barea 19 Points Full Highlights (3/11/2014)

I like to use my expert internet-browsing skills to gauge the general opinion of a player on social media, in order to paint a more complete picture of him in these descriptions. People don’t really like JJ Barea. I think this is because Puerto Ricans on the whole are underrepresented on social media compared to…

Jordan Crawford 19 Points Full Highlights (3/11/2014)

Jordan Crawford will forever be that guy who thinks he’s better than Michael Jordan. However, I feel that Crawford is misrepresented when people talk about what he said. Here’s the quote: “I don’t tell nobody, but I feel like I can be better than Michael Jordan.” This doesn’t mean that he is better than Michael…