Karl-Anthony Towns 25 Points Full Highlights (12/30/2015)

In an effort to reach more viewers, I’m going to make a concerted effort in this description to offend as few people as possible. It’s going to be tough, but I think I can do it. Let’s start with a nice, inoffensive statement.

Karl-Anthony Towns is a good basketball player.

Nope! Some people think instead that he is a bad basketball player, and if they read that sentence, they’d get offended. Let’s try again.

Karl-Anthony Towns is a basketball player.

Close, but no cigar. There are plenty of individuals who don’t think that humans should be categorized by their choice of employment, that it characterizes them in a certain way that may not be accurate. Pigeonholing Karl-Anthony as a basketball player offends them. How about this?

Karl-Anthony Towns is a person.

Darn! I forgot that there are people who don’t think black-skinned people are even people at all. Back to the drawing board.

Karl-Anthony Towns is.

I’m sorry for offending so many of you with this statement. Solipsists will note that they don’t believe that there is anyone else in the universe besides themselves, and will be offended by my assertion that Karl-Anthony Towns exists as a discrete entity, rather than as a figment of their own brain.

I give up! There is nothing I can say about Karl-Anthony Towns that does not offend somebody. I guess it’s better to just write nothing at all.

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