I figured out why Mario Hezonja has been semi-disappointing as the 5th overall pick. “Dee Tee Bee, you’ve told us a thousand times. We KNOW that Scott Skiles hates rookies, so you can shut up about it now!” Wrong. That’s what I used to think. The real reason is totally different, Skiles has nothing to…
Read MoreMonth: February 2016
Joe Johnson 20 Points/9 Assists Full Highlights (2/3/2016)
Joe Johnson got up from his couch to answer the unexpected ringing of his doorbell. He had not been anticipating visitors, so it was probably just a solicitor. When he opened the door, though, he groaned. “Kobe warned me this would happen…” Father Time grinned a toothless grin. “You thought you could evade me forever,…
Read MoreFrank Kaminsky 15 Points Full Highlights (2/3/2016)
I think it’s unfair that some players get to be listed as seven feet tall just because their heads are stretched out. That’s called privilege and people shouldn’t be allowed to abuse it by being thought of as seven-footers even if their wingspan is super short. If you look at a picture of Frank Kaminsky…
Read MoreC.J. Miles 27 Points Full Highlights (2/3/2016)
Slumps are something that happens to NBA players from time to time. Every team in the league can point to a dude on their roster and say “Sucking Leaves Us Mostly Pissed”, which of course is what S.L.U.M.P. stands for. These occurrences of substandard shooting percentages are often balanced out by corresponding streaks of hot…
Read MoreSasha Vujacic 13 Points Full Highlights (2/2/2016)
I’m not exactly sure why Sasha “Vujabitch” Vujacic is currently in the league, but now that he is, we’re all along for the ride. He scored thirteen points a few games ago and now he’s gone and done it again, so here are some highlights. I understand that Knicks fans absolutely hate this guy’s guts…
Read MoreTyler Zeller 16 Points Full Highlights (2/2/2016)
I was trying to figure out why I hadn’t yet this year made Tyler Zeller highlights. After sitting at my desk and engaging in baseless speculation for a few minutes, I figured it was probably because he’s a bad locker-room presence who regularly fights with teammates and coaches alike. It’s gotta be something like that…
Read MoreJosh Smith 19 Points Full Highlights (2/2/2016)
Josh Smith has been pretty bad since coming back to Houston, I mean, he was bad before as well, but now he is on a team that expects his badness so it’s not so bad in the end. Or something. I should really rewrite that sentence. Whatever. Yeah, anyone anticipating that he would magically become…
Read MoreArchie Goodwin 18 Points/12 Assists Full Highlights (2/2/2016)
There are lots of reasons why the Suns’ implosion this year, culminating in the firing of their coach, is a good thing. Lots of reasons. Everyone loves a good surprise tankjob. All of those reasons have to do with non-starter-quality players getting semi-starter-quantity minutes. Devin Booker, Archie Goodwin, Sonny Weems, Jordan McRae, formerly T.J. Warren,…
Read MoreDevin Booker 27 Points Full Highlights (2/2/2016)
In some ways, Devin Booker isn’t really a rookie; his smooth scoring game belies his youth. In other ways, it is painfully obvious that he’s still just a kid who can’t legally drink beer. Look at his body language at 0:49. Is that a smile I see? A smile and some banter to an opponent?…
Read MoreJabari Parker 16 Points/5 Dunks Full Highlights (2/1/2016)
A descriptor like “five dunks” makes this video sound a lot more exciting that it actually is. I’m going to put that right up front so you guys have a chance to read it before you watch the video itself, because, believe me, if you watch this vid with visions of sick whamjams playing in…
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