By my (biased) count, out of Kyle Kuzma’s twelve made field goals, eight of them were floaters. Some of them were more like hook shots than floaters, but the way he shoots them is like a hybrid of both, so I counted them. And, honestly eight floaters is just way too many floaters for me to handle. What Kuzma did last night could unironically be described as a “Floaterfest”. A floaterfest is just about the last type of “fest” that I would want to be invited to, but in the making of this video, I was unwittingly invited to one. Here’s some other fests that I would rather attend:
-A sausagefest. Sausagefests are okay as long as you weren’t looking to hook up with chicks. Since I have sworn off women forever, I’m never disappointed when I enter an establishment and discover it to be a sausagefest.
-A shrimpfest. I don’t care for shrimp that much, but if James Harden invited me to a shrimpfest, I would probably accept the invitation.
-Oktoberfest. I’m not really into drinking culture, but I love wienerschnitzel. Just set me up in the wienerschnitzel tent with a knife and fork and a glass of Coke and I could stay there all day. I’ll even wear the Lederhosen and the funny German hat.
-Summerfest. You know, that big music festival that they have in Milwaukee every year? I don’t like live music because it’s too loud for my delicate ears, plus I have a strong disdain for plebs and their plebeian music. If Summerfest has a stand where I can buy fried cheese curds, I’m there, but I’m not listening to that crappy music unless they got Moonsorrow to come all the way from Finland to play.
-A layupfest. Layups are boring as heck, but I consider them to be a more important skill in the NBA than floaters. I would rather attend a layupfest than a floaterfest. A dunkfest would be preferred, however.
So, there you have it. Floaterfests are lame. Kyle Kuzma, as long as he keeps hosting personal floaterfests, is a lame player. And that’s all there is to it.