Is there some kind of steroid that you can take that makes you better at basketball? If there is, the NBA should investigate Monte Morris for taking it, because going from a total afterthought in your rookie year to a top-5 backup PG getting 25 MPG in your second year is awfully suspicious. I know that there’s this thing called “working out” that most players do during the off-season, but if these so-called “workouts” had the power to dramatically transform a player from absolute scrublord to legit rotation player, we would see situations like Morris’ way more often. So I’m going with steroids as the most likely explanation.
Now that we’ve determined the existence and efficacy of these game-enhancing roids, the question becomes: where can I get some? I know that professional athletes have access to “resources” (roid treatments) that us normal people don’t have access to, but I am willing to pay double or even triple the street price of these roids to get some of them into my body. I’m tired of being the guy at the gym who can’t even run a pick and roll or catch a hot pass without dropping it. Sure, my extremely accurate jumper ensures that I’m not totally useless, but I would like to ascend past my role as the Jason Smith of the YMCA (no passing, no court vision, minimal rebounding, only jumpshots, but I’m way shorter and have more hair).
If anybody out there can hook me up with these ultra-advanced designer steroids, please contact me, but only by non-public means because I don’t want to get arrested for being a roid monster.