I was all ready to make some kind of intelligent-sounding proclamation in this video description about how, when the Pistons’ shooters actually show up to the game and make shots, the Pistons have no problem winning. It was going to be a masterpiece of sports journalism, honestly. People were going to look back at this video description and point to it as the exact moment when DTB stopped being an internet goofball and started being a serious basketball analyst.
Then it turned out that the Pistons’ shooters didn’t really show up to this game. Only Langston Galloway did. Reggie Bullock was 1-of-6; Luke Kennard didn’t play; Jon Leuer only attempted two shots; Stanley Johnson only attempted four; Khyri Thomas was hit with a shovel and then buried behind the arena with that same shovel by none other than Dwane Casey himself. The real reason the Pistons won the game is they were playing the Wizards. That’s all there is to it. No advanced basketball analysis here; Galloway and Griffin hit some shots, and that was enough to propel this mediocre Pistons team over a Wizards team whose locker room arguments are likely rivaling the intensity of the fabled Crittenton-Arenas arguments of yore.
If The Athletic still wants to hire me just to write funny, irreverent pieces with little to no basketball content, they know where to find me.
[as further proof of my incompetence, this video was removed and re-uploaded because it was missing free throws]