Malik Beasley is turning into a pretty nice shooting guard, decently filling in for the dearly missed Gary Harris. Unfortunately, Beasley’s videos don’t get me as many views as some certain other Nuggets players. He simply doesn’t have an entire European country full of Euros ardently backing him by obsessively watching his highlight videos. Those are just the facts of life.
So I’ve undertaken a new initiative, which is to get Serbians to adopt Beasley as an honorary Serbian. I might even go so far as to plead the Serbian government to grant him official citizenship. That way, Serbs will watch all of his highlight videos because he’s a Serb like them. Last season I started up a hashtag called #MalikBeasleyIsASerb (short, sweet, and descriptive, just how a hashtag should be) so that Serbs could be aware of this new effort of mine. It didn’t really catch on yet, but I’m sure it will. Serbs are good-hearted people and will glady make Beasley one of their own if it means that I get more people watching my videos.
I also created a cryptocurrency, MalikSerbCoin, whose existence would raise awareness for my cause. It failed for a few reasons. 1.) I couldn’t find a Russian to code it for me, so I coded it myself despite not knowing anything about cryptography or blockchains. 2.) Worldwide confidence in crypto hit in all-time low right around the time of my ICO (initial coin offering). 3.) The Serbian government was supposed to make MalikSerbCoin their official currency, but they didn’t. 4.) The logo for the coin was just a picture of Malik’s head superimposed on a map of Serbia. Most cryptocoins have cool angular logos to make people buy them. 5.) “Mining” MalikSerbCoin wasn’t a computational process; all you had to do was add your name to a text-file ledger alongside how many coins you thought you should have.
So MalikSerbCoin didn’t quite work out, but that doesn’t mean Beasley can’t be a Serb. Because he totally can be. And he totally is.