downtobuck – Page 1323

Tiago Splitter 14 Points Full Highlights (5/17/2013)

“Hello, welcome to Tiago’s Banana Splitters, what can I get for you today?” “I’d like one standard splitter please, with double banana.” “Coming right up.” A tall, stubbled figure shambled through the door of the small, shoddily decorated restaurant. “I’ll have 50 of those famous Tiago’s banana splitters, and hurry up I’m in a rush!”…

Chris Copeland 13 Points Full Highlights (5/16/2013)

Reggie Miller asks at the end of this video “Where has he been all series?”, “he” being Chris Copeland. The answer: buried on the bench because Woodson is a moron who doesn’t want to play offensively gifted players while the team is struggling to score. Is it a coincidence that the Knicks won once Copeland…

Rip Hamilton 15 Points Full Highlights (5/16/2013)

Rip “Van Winkle” Hamilton is getting kind of old. I’m pretty sure he’s played his last game as a Bull. But is this the last game of a great career? I wouldn’t be surprised. But it’s hard to tell if he’s really and truly washed up or if it’s just injuries and Thibodeau’s lunacy. He…

Jarrett Jack 20 Points Full Highlights (5/14/2013)

Jarrett Jack should punch his parents in the face for naming him such a stupid name. “Jarrett Jack”. It sounds like the cross between a B-list country singer’s stage name and the name of a cowboy-themed professional wrestler, with a dash of social-security-dependent hick living in a trailer park whose wardrobe consists of nothing but…

Manu Ginobili 21 Points Full Highlights (5/12/2013)

Longtime readers of my descriptions may notice that I am preoccupied with the concept of race. That couldn’t be further from the truth. Race doesn’t exist. It is simply the nature of our feeble primate brains to compartmentalize other humans based on criteria such as their skin tone and facial proportions. We must transcend the…

Marco Belinelli 16 Points/5 Assists Full Highlights (5/10/2013)

Dear Marco, I’m sorry I broke into your house and ate all your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Everyone makes mistakes. Also, if you could send me your real crostini recipe that would be great. The one I stole from your house sucks. I think you planted it so that I would not discover the genuine recipe….

Carlos Boozer 21 Points Full Highlights (5/10/2013)

Carlos Boozer ‏@MisterCBooz 11 May just cuz my name is carlos dont mean im hispanic smh #smh Carlos Boozer ‏@MisterCBooz 11 May damn @NazrMohammed just went fuckin crazy lol #terrorists #alqaeda Carlos Boozer ‏@MisterCBooz 11 May @carmeloanthony my jumpers taste like honeynut cheerios cuz guess where my hands been #tunatown Carlos Boozer ‏@MisterCBooz 11 May…

Norris Cole 18 Points Full Highlights (5/8/2013)

More NBA players should have semi-unique hairstyles like Norris Cole and his flattop. I get tired of seeing the same shaved look all the time. Think about how cool someone like LeBron would look with ass-length dreads. Or Wade with a big poofy afro. Or Bosh with a Beatles-style bowl cut. They’d still call them…

Iman Shumpert 15 Points Full Highlights (5/7/2013)

“So that’s the game plan for tonight. Does that sound good?” The team looked happily at each one another. But sitting in the corner of the locker room by himself, sulking and draped in a towel, Carmelo Anthony spoke up. “Yeah, I gots a problem. Where’s all the Melo isos? You talkin’ all about ball…

Derek Fisher 19 Points Full Highlights (5/7/2013)

“Hello, this is Grand Commissioner Stern.” Scott Brooks closed his eyes, steeling himself for the confrontation to come. “Commissioner, this is operative 26. I fear I have made a grave mistake.” “Continue.” “Our basketball unit recently acquired a new player, a man by the name of Derek Fisher. There is no room for him in…