Here’s a question for you: can Gordon Hayward be the centerpiece on a championship-caliber team? Trick question! If you even considered for half of a second you have been victimized by my trickery. There is no way, in this universe or in any of the untold alternate universes where dudes have two dicks, that G-Ward…
Read MoreTag: Utah Jazz
Enes Kanter Career High 29 Points Full Highlights (12/16/2014)
Would you say that Enes Kanter was “bogarting” people tonight? Because that’s what the Jazz announcers seem to think he was doing. Where I come from (Wiscompton), bogarting means hogging the weed. No more, no less. There are no other definitions. You can possibly stretch to mean hogging the Doritos, or some other communal item,…
Read MoreDante Exum 12 Points Full Highlights (12/16/2014)
I’m really impressed by Dante Exum. He still isn’t taking any midrange shots, which are the bread and butter of any efficient NBA player, but his outside shot is coming along nicely. Also his ACL’s are both intact. There appears to be a psychic connection between Exum and countryman Joe Ingles, evidenced by the prescient…
Read MoreEnes Kanter 25 Points Full Highlights (12/12/2014)
Wow, what a coincidence! As soon as shot-hogger and all-around malcontent DerrICK Favors goes down with an injury, the Kanterman goes and has one of the best scoring nights of his career! What a crazy timing of events that are probably not even related! Sarcasm aside, the Kanfaver combo hasn’t been as good as some…
Read MoreRudy Gobert 9 Points/5 Blocks Full Highlights (12/12/2014)
This is what we’ve all been waiting for. The realization of Rudy Gobert’s immense raw talent. He may not have scored many points, that’s true, maybe if you weren’t a disciple of BSPN you would realize that there are many other ways to affect the game. Gobert, all seven feet of him, caused chaos in…
Read MoreRudy Gobert 12 Points Full Highlights (12/8/2014)
Rudy Gobert slid. His large frame, not well-suited for this type of activity, sped down the hill at breakneck speed. The inner-tube which conveyed him groaned under the weight of the sledding NBA player. Rudy himself had his eyes clenched tight. He had vague recollections of tobogganing as a child in France, idyllic scenes involving…
Read MoreDerrick Favors 21 Points/5 Blocks Full Highlights (12/5/2014)
I’m actually starting to worry about Jazz commentator Ron Boone. Half of the stuff that comes out of his mouth doesn’t make sense, and the other half, you can’t hear because he mumbles. Most of the time he doesn’t finish thoughts that he starts. It seems like “Booner” has favorable things to say about Derrick…
Read MoreRodney Hood 15 Points/3 Threes Full Highlights (12/5/2014)
The obvious question that I have about Rodney Hood is, did he actually grow up in the hood? I exerted my google-fu to its maximum limits and found out a few things: Hood is from Meridian, Mississippi. Prior to my looking it up, all I know about Meridian was that it was an okay-sized city…
Read MoreGordon Hayward 25 Points Full Highlights (12/1/2014)
How do the Thanksgiving festivities of an NBA player compare to those of the average American meatbag? They probably don’t have the benefit of having the opportunity to eat with their families, which could be a good or bad thing (screw you uncle Steve why do you always have to ruin Thanksgiving?). I imagine that…
Read MoreGordon Hayward 30 Points Full Highlights (11/29/2014)
I feel so bad for Gordon Hayward. It must be so embarrassing to be in your mid-20s and still have a face that looks like it’s smiling from a kid’s TV show. And once you get to be that age, you know you’re going to be stuck with your babyface forever. There’s nothing to do…
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