November 2013 – Page 15

Ben McLemore 19 Points Full Highlights (11/2/2013)

Life isn’t fair sometimes. Ben McLemore grew up in total poverty, going days without food on occasion, surrounded on all sides by drug abuse and crime. Then, just when it seemed like he was going to escape the misfortune that had shadowed him since he was born into this world, the inconceivable happened: He got…

Michael Carter-Williams 26 Points/10 Assists Full Highlights (11/2/2013)

Michael Carter-Williams tossed and turned, his sleep troubled by dreams that were not truly his own. “Who are you?” asked the dreamer. “Who do you think I am?” replied the dream-being. “You look like an NBA player. Well, kind of. Your jersey number and color seem to keep changing and your facial features are ever-shifting.”…

Lance Stephenson 22 Points Full Highlights (11/2/2013)

The tension in the courtroom is palpable. Lance Stephenson fidgets in his seat as he awaits the judgement. Seven of his baby mamas sit in the gallery, some dabbing their eyes with tissues, and some browsing the TMZ website on their phones. Stephenson’s lawyer looks calm and composed in his perfectly tailored suit. The judge…

John Henson 14 Points Full Highlights (11/1/2013)

Sometimes it seems like the art of the post move is dying. Bigs in today’s NBA are either jump-shooters or morons who can only dunk it. Few teams set them in isolations with their back to the basket. There’s a reason for this: it’s inefficient to shoot contested hook shots and it’s hard to draw…

Kyle Korver 17 Points/3 Assists Full Highlights (11/1/2013)

Being an NBA player is pretty much an instant ticket into any girl’s pants. They all want a chance at some of that money and fame. But imagine if you were an NBA player who also looked like an extremely famous and attractive actor. You don’t have to imagine that scenario anymore. Because there is…

C.J. Miles 22 Points Full Highlights (11/1/2013)

Listening to Austin Carr do commentary is like listening to the chatter of fifteen nursing-home patients watching basketball on the common-room TV. He might understand the game, but nothing that comes out of his mouth makes any sense. If he was a radio commentator, you would not have any idea what was going on in…

Thaddeus Young 29 Points Full Highlights (11/1/2013)

Thaddeus Young approached Jan Vesely after the game and shook his hand. “Good game, yo. But I gots somethin’ more important to talk about. Word around the locker room is you a bona-fide foodie. Can you hook me up with a good cheesesteak in DC?” Jan nodded eagerly. “Yes. I know all of the best…

Kentavious Caldwell-Pope 13 Points Full Highlights (11/1/2013)

I don’t know the names of the Pistons’ commentators, and I don’t especially care. But I am speaking to them now directly: what Kentavious Caldwell-Pope did on Friday night was NOT a “windmill jam”. IT WASN’T EVEN CLOSE. Yeah, it was a jam, they got that part right. But I failed to see the part…

Gal Mekel 11 Points/6 Assists Full Highlights (11/1/2013)

I have tons of great ideas for a description about Gal Mekel. Most of them involve him scamming people out of money and saying “Oy vey you silly shegetz!”. However, out of respect for the Jewish YouTube community, I will merely comment on his abilities as a basketball player and avoid potentially insensitive stereotypes. Here…

Jeremy Lamb Career High 16 Points Full Highlights (11/1/2013)

Am I the only one who is shocked that Jeremy Lamb’s career high before this game was only 13 points? For a guy who is touted as being a terrific scorer that seems pretty damn low. I know he barely got any time last year; championship contenders don’t have time for rookie chuckers I guess….