I’m sure that when Rodney escaped the cursed realms of the Detroit Pistons, he thought that he was exiting a bad situation for a good one. Then, Paul George’s knee spontaneously detonated, and, just like that, the Pacers sucked too! Rodney is just one unlucky guy. He is so unlucky, in fact, that I have…
Read MoreMonth: November 2014
Jeff Teague 26 Points/7 Assists Full Highlights (11/28/2014)
I don’t make Jeff Teague highlights as often as I probably should. The reason for this is threefold: -Doing point guards is lame because you have to get all their assists -Jeff Teague always scores too many points -I don’t even really like Jeff Teague anyway -(bonus fourth reason) he shoots too many layups, which…
Read MoreMarreese Speights 27 Points Full Highlights (11/28/2014)
The world has run out of adjectives to describe Marreese Speights’ performance this year. What was once assumed to be a practically limitless resource has been overconsumed so badly that the only words I have left to use are “sopping”, “rubicund”, and “alternative-lifestyle-friendly”. I don’t know about you, but if I were a dude who…
Read MoreTJ Warren 11 Points Full Highlights (11/28/2014)
Attention Suns announcers: you are not allowed to call TJ Warren a “scoring machine” until he scores at least 20 points in an NBA game. Yeah, I know he was a dynamite scorer in college. That’s great. But scoring in the NBA is most decidedly not the same as scoring in the NCAA. The talent…
Read MoreNikola Mirotic 13 Points/5 Blocks Full Highlights (11/28/2014)
Wow, uh, five blocks for Nikola Mirotic? Was that what Bulls fans thought they were getting when he came over from Spain? Elite shot blocking capabilities? Because that’s what they’re getting. Sign him up for the “dudes who will get a 5×5” waiting list, right behind Giannis and James Johnson. It’s only a matter of…
Read MoreRyan Hollins 15 Points? Full Highlights (11/28/2014)
Time for a thought exercise! Close your eyes and imagine JaVale McGee of the Denver Nuggets. If you are having troubles visualizing this, watch some highlights/lowlights on YouTube to aid in the conjuring. Also if you could stop thinking about tits for even a minute that would be great. Okay! We’ve got JaVale firmly in…
Read MoreJared Sullinger 23 Points Full Highlights (11/28/2014)
The “try to turn Jared Sullinger into a strech-four” experiment is not yet paying dividends for the Celtics. He continues to take lots of threes, and continues to not make a good percentage of them. Can’t blame his coaches for trying. Big men who can shoot threes are valuable; if Sullynyk could get consistent behind…
Read MoreJeremy Lamb 21 Points Full Highlights (11/26/2014)
Only a few more games left before we get to watch Durant and Westbrook save the Thunder’s season. Hallelujah! I’m tired of watching Reggie Jackson chuck his way to a big contract and Jeremy Lamb fail to live up to the lofty expectations placed on him by homer Thunder fans. Expectations which I always thought…
Read MoreLarry Sanders 15 Points/5 Blocks Full Highlights (11/26/2014)
This is what happens when Larry gets his head on straight for an entire game. Actually, that’s a misleading statement. This is what happens when Larry is focused, and simultaneously, he is playing against a young team missing a lot of players. I mean, what’s Robbie Hummel going to do when the Colonel rolls into…
Read MoreGiannis Antetokounmpo 13 Points/4 Assists Full Highlights (11/26/2014)
Giannis prayed. He prayed to whatever god or gods he thought might be listening. But the way his body protested at him, he was pretty sure that if there was a god, he wasn’t listening. Eating the ninth out of ten uncooked brats, each bite was a struggle to prevent his stomach from rejecting the…
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