Had Carmelo Anthony and a bunch of refs not intervened, I’d say we were about five seconds away from seeing Kristaps Porzingis and Kent Bazemore take the gloves off and start throwing haymakers at each other. I am curious, as we all are, what the outcome of that fight would have been. Let’s take a look at the strengths and weakness of each fighter:
Musculature:
Bazemore is a little bigger than Porzingis, whose arms look like uncooked spaghetti compared to Baze’s beefy man-arms. Advantage: Bazemore
Build:
Porzingis has a distinct aura of tallness about him, especially when compared to Bazemore. In this sense, the fight would kind of be like a dad punching his middle-school aged kid. Porzingis also has significantly longer arms than Bazemore, meaning he could just stand back and watch the fists fly in front of his face, then let loose with a real whammo right to Baze’s jaw. Advantage: Porzingis
Fighting Technique:
NBA players are notoriously poor fighters, when they even have the stones to actually throw down. No reason to think that either of these men has any idea how to fight. Advantage: Nobody
Skin Color:
Bazemore is black, Porzingis is white. If WorldStarHipHop has taught me anything, it’s that… actually, let’s just forget about this section for now. Advantage: I am not a racist
Mindset:
Porzingis doesn’t seem the type to get really mad for no reason, and if a fight was initiated, he would likely not be too excited about it. Bazemore, on the other hand, is like a rabid dog who just wants to punch. Punch and punch until the victim is a puffy bruised meatsack. Advantage: Bazemore.
Intangibles:
White people, by default, have way more intangibles than black people. Remember, I am not a racist. Advantage: Porzingis
In conclusion, we have determined that the fight would be equal. Both men would just stand at center court, trading punches, until roughly 3 minutes in, when they would knock each out at the same time, both falling majestically to the hardwood, each having successfully defended their manhood.