Rodney Hood: shooting guard of the future for the Jazz? Let’s take a look at the facts: -It is almost assured that he will still be alive in four or five years, which is the “future” as any accomplished chronomancer would tell you -The Jazz have his option or bird rights or something I don’t…
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Rudy Gobert 17 Points Full Highlights (1/25/2016)
How much more imposing is Rudy Gobert now that he has a collection of little bristly hairs on his chin and cheeks? Back when he was rocking a clean-shaven face, honestly he looked more like a pile of candle wax drippings than a basketball player. Now that Gobert looks like a human being, I imagine…
Read MoreRodney Hood 29 Points Full Highlights (1/20/2016)
I didn’t think that I’d have the privilege of compiling any more Rodney Hood highlights this year, or ever. When he had that 4-of-17 game, I thought to myself “Well, that’s it. All good things must come to an end”. After a shockingly bad performance like that, I figured, as any sane person would, that…
Read MoreTrey Burke 25 Points Full Highlights (1/18/2016)
There’s something special about 25 points. Maybe because it’s one-fourth of the way to Wilt’s 100, or maybe it’s because quarters are objectively the best type of coin. Whatever the reason, you should be glad that Trey Burke got that last free throw to go in, because there was no way I was doing highlights…
Read MoreGordon Hayward 36 Points/9 Assists Full Highlights (1/18/2016)
One short of his career-high in points, which is 37, and one short of his career-high in assists, which is 10. Plus, his team lost. Can Gordon Hayward do anything right? Don’t come at me with the whole “but he scored 36 and dished 9 dimes, accounting for a grand total of 54 of his…
Read MoreTrey Lyles 17 Points Full Highlights (1/16/2016)
Jeff Withey took a prolonged sniff of the air in the airplane cabin. “Trey, man, I know that’s your special jumpshot box and everything, but could you at least put with the rest of your luggage? It still smells like a hobo crawled into it and died while farting.” Trey Lyles cradled the crumpled, musty…
Read MoreTrey Lyles 19 Points/3 Dunks Full Highlights (1/14/2016)
DownToBuck doesn’t choose which videos to make based on how many views he thinks they’ll acquire. Rather, he uses a proprietary algorithm which takes into account a variety of factors. Proprietary factors, no less. One of the factors is player popularity, sure. But another one is how many hairs the player has, so they cancel…
Read MoreTrey Lyles 16 Points Full Highlights (1/13/2016)
“Guys! I found it! I thought I lost it forever!” announced Trey Lyles happily as he walked onto the court for the pregame shootaround. In his hands was a tattered, squashed, and damp cardboard box. “Did you steal that from a hobo on the street or something?” asked Jeff Withey, wrinkling his nose at the…
Read MoreChris Johnson 14 Points Full Highlights (1/9/2016)
When Chris Johnson the basketball player scored a career-high sixteen points at the beginning of last season, nobody even watched the video. Right now it has 640 views and is probably my least-watched vid from that entire season. If that few people even care about Chris Johnson not the football player, why do I even…
Read MoreRaul Neto 13 Points/5 Assists Full Highlights (1/9/2016)
Raul “Neato” Neto has decided to ditch the clean-shaven look, which made him look like a small child, in favor of a bearded look which makes him look like Ricky Rubio. The change is striking. Since he now looks like he could be a famous actor, he’s probably getting a lot of attention from repressed…
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