If Eric Gordon were a shape, what shape would he be? We can rule out hexagons for sure since hexagons have six sides, and Eric Gordon doesn’t. Are there any shapes that are good at basketball? I’m sort of thinking that trapezoids would be pretty good shooters, but then again, I’ve never actually seen a…
Read MoreMonth: December 2013
Terrence Ross 24 Points Full Highlights (12/13/2013)
Landry Fields sidled up to Terrence Ross after the Raptors’ victory against the 76ers. “Wanna see your stats?” “Landry, you know statsheets aren’t allowed in the locker room. We could get in real big trouble, man, if anybody knew you had a box score or two in your pockets.” “No one will have to know….
Read MoreMirza Teletovic 17 Points/5 Threes Full Highlights (12/13/2013)
“You guys sure this good idea? I very afraid of heights.” Mirza remarked as he was led, blindfolded, through the streets of Brooklyn by the entirety of his Nets teammates. “Don’t worry Mirza, everything will be fine. What better way to build up your confidence by having you bungee jump off the Brooklyn Bridge?” said…
Read MoreRobin Lopez 16 Points Full Highlights (12/12/2013)
The Portland Trail Blazers are the best team in the NBA right now. Let that sink in for a bit. They went 33-49 last year and the only major change to their roster was replacing J.J. Hickson with Robin Lopez. It follows logically that Robin Lopez, and Robin Lopez alone, is responsible for the elevated…
Read MoreMiroslav Raduljica 10 Points/2 Blocks Full Highlights (12/11/2013)
Miroslav “The Serbian Slammer” Raduljica is one of the least-known players in the league. He also is proud owner of the NBA’s most foreign-looking name, an honor he shares with Viacheslav Kravtsov. Serbia is a country most Americans know little to nothing about. But be sure: the Serb people are a proud race with a…
Read MoreNate Wolters Career High 18 Points/7 Assists Full Highlights (12/11/2013)
The Bucks are so bad right now. They are definitely the worst team in the league. At least the Jazz have the excuse of playing in the west. The Bucks get to play all the crappy teams in the east and they still look horrible. If their roster was constructed with the intent to win…
Read MoreJimmer Fredette 13 Points Full Highlights (12/11/2013)
“Jimmer, listen up. This is God speaking.” Jimmer, in the middle of untying his shoes, looked up at the ceiling of the locker room. “This isn’t funny guys. Stop making fun of my religion.” A light fixture above him suddenly burnt out in a cascade of sparks. “Do not doubt me, Jimmer.” Dropping to his…
Read MoreSpencer Hawes 20 Points/3 Blocks Full Highlights (12/11/2013)
Spencer Hawes has been having a pretty good year so far. Nothing spectacular, but pretty good for a white guy whose vertical is maybe 6 inches. In fact, his performances lately have been so good that I made a new word for them: “Hawesian.” Other things that could be described as such: – Spencer Hawes…
Read MoreJeremy Lamb Career High 18 Points Full Highlights (12/11/2013)
Jeremy Lamb is finally playing well for the Thunder. It only took him 100 or so games. Better late than never, as they always say. So to reward Jeremy for his suddenly good play the Thunder are apparently looking to trade him. They might be out of luck, though, because I can’t think of any…
Read MoreMike Dunleavy 25 Points/2 Blocks Full Highlights (12/10/2013)
Mike Dunleavy grabbed his phone off the bedside table and dialed his teammate Taj Gibson. “Hey Mike, what’s up?” came Taj’s voice. “Oh, nothing, just wanted to see what you were up to,” Mike responded. There was a pause where nothing was heard but the squeaking of Mike’s bed. “What’s making that noise? And why…
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