April 2014 – Page 11

Evan Fournier 26 Points/6 Threes Full Highlights (4/6/2014)

Evan Fournier reclined in his posh leather couch, enjoying a glass of the finest French Chardonnay. Just as he was about to put on his favorite recording of Debussy’s ‘Clair de Lune’, he was interrupted by his phone ringing. “This is the Fournicator.” “Is that what you call yourself now? It’s Jan.” Evan tensed up….

Pero Antic Career High 18 Points Full Highlights (4/6/2014)

What’s up with the Pacers? They’ve been looking like total crap lately. Playing like it too. (Zing!). The Hawks aren’t any good really and they still totally destroyed those losers. I blame Paul George for not being a superstar like everyone told me he was. I also blame Pero Antic, who scored 16 on them…

Isaiah Canaan Career High 15 Points/4 Threes Full Highlights (4/6/2014)

The point guard situation for the Houston Rockets got pretty screwed up when Patrick Beverley went down due to karma. You expect a little discombobulation whenever a starter dies, and the Rockets do have a starter-quality backup in Jeremy Lin. But Lin’s backup? How does Isaiah Canaan sound? Not very good, I know. He’s the…

Kyle O’Quinn 14 Points/13 Rebounds/4 Blocks Full Highlights (4/5/2014)

Kyle O’Quinn was enjoying his typical McDonald’s order – five Big Macs and five things of fries – when he was interrupted by a commotion in the booth next to him. “Mom, look, it’s Santa!” yelled an excited little girl, pointing eagerly at the large beard that Kyle wore on his face. Then, her face…

Jerryd Bayless 25 Points/5 Threes Full Highlights (4/5/2014)

“Dear Diary, Today I decided not to take any layups, because layups are for pussies. See you around! -Jerryd” This is really what Jerryd Bayless wrote in his diary after the game. I know because I infiltrated his house and stole it. I’m currently transcribing the rest, but I thought it would be cool to…

Phil Pressey 12 Points/11 Assists Full Highlights (4/5/2014)

Wow, these highlights are kinda not as good as I had hoped. I mean, they’re technically good. Everything’s there. All the assists. All the points. It’s just, you know… The assists are totally lame. There, I said it. These are lame-o-supremo assists, peer-reviewed to ensure their lameness. Practically all of them just lead to jumpers….

Mason Plumlee 16 Points/6 Dunks Full Highlights (4/5/2014)

Mason Plumlee has already separated himself from the pack of his fellow rookies with his ability to do nothing except dunk. He might be the most successful out of all of them at performing within his role. The Nets don’t need him to shoot jumpers, handle the ball, or do post moves. They just need…

Hollis Thompson Career High 18 Points/6 Threes Full Highlights (4/5/2014)

The 76ers commentators clued me in to an interesting fact tonight: Hollis Thompson is the best rookie at shooting threes, at 39%. Out of all the highly touted shooters in this class, the best is some undrafted dude who plays for the worst team in the league. As if you needed more reasons as to…

Nando De Colo 10 Points/5 Assists Full Highlights (4/4/2014)

With Nando De Colo now on the Raptors, has his presence increased interest in the team among Canadian Francophones? Or do French-speaking Canadians not even care about French people? I would look up this information but I’m too lazy. I need real-life Canadians to tell me. I know some French people are going to be…

Anthony Morrow 26 Points Full Highlights (4/4/2014)

I saw a quote from Anthony Davis that said something to the effect of “I like playing with Anthony Morrow because he’s such a good shooter”. When your franchise centerpiece wants to play with a player, you keep that player. The Pelicans better get ready to shell out some cash to keep Anthony Morrow around….