December 2014 – Page 11

Jared Dudley 19 Points Full Highlights (12/18/2014)

Last year I wrote this line in reference to Jared Dudley’s jumpshooting: “He hasn’t been altogether successful at hitting them, considering how open he’s been, but that’s okay”. It is no longer okay, now that he’s on the team geographically proximate to me. This guy rarely shoots contested shots, and his teammates do a good…

Ben McLemore 22 Points Full Highlights (12/18/2014)

After a poor rookie season, Ben McLemore is finally showing us why he was drafted seventh overall in the 2013 draft. His three-point shot has come along well and, in general, he’s just shooting better from everywhere on the court. I don’t exactly remember, since I’m drunk for most of these descriptions, but I probably…

Jerryd Bayless 17 Points/5 Assists Full Highlights (12/18/2014)

If identifying NBA players was a requirement for becoming an NBA commentator, the Kings commentators just lost their jobs. “Jared Dudley”? Really? I know that Jerryd and Jared have the same bald head and the same headband, but one is a tubby veteran who mostly shoots threes and the other is…a tubby veteran who mostly…

Cole Aldrich 13 Points/10 Rebounds Full Highlights (12/18/2014)

Longtime connoisseurs of these descriptions might notice some differences from when I started. Namely, that I don’t call people busts all the time anymore. I must be getting old and soft. It used to be that no player was spared the wrath of my scepter of bustitude. John Wall? Bust. Markieff Morris? Bust. Tristan Thompson,…

Dante Cunningham 16 Points Full Highlights (12/18/2014)

This is what Dante Cunningham does. He shoots long jumpers. He might have other aspects of his game which are above average; if he does, I don’t know about them. His long-two launching ability is matched by few. It only makes sense, then, that he’d attempt to add a corner three to his arsenal. It’s…

Pero Antic 11 Points Full Highlights (12/17/2014)

The common thread connecting all my Pero Antic videos, other than featuring Pero Antic (which is obvious), is that the comment section invariably degenerates into Macedonians (“Monkey-donians”) and Greeks (“Gay-reeks”) arguing about whether Macedonia/FYROM should be called Macedonia, which is also a region in Greece, or FYROM. I know it’s futile, but I’d like to…

Andre Drummond 19 Points/24 Rebounds Full Highlights (12/17/2014)

As I usually do before making a highlight video, I searched YouTube for Andre Drummond-related videos to see if one of my rivals had been stealing my views. I did not find such videos, but I found worse: TMZ Sports uploaded a video about Andre Drummond’s shoes. Are you kidding me? Sports themselves are already…

Isaiah Thomas 23 Points Full Highlights (12/17/2014)

Isaiah Thomas heard the doorbell ring. Even though he had been expecting that very sound, as his package had been listed as “out for delivery” for the past four hours, he still was startled. His nerves had been on edge the whole morning as he awaited the very important package. Looking out on his porch,…

Donatas Motiejunas 18 Points/3 Threes Full Highlights (12/17/2014)

I apologize with utmost sincerity to my Lithuanian friends. I did not make Motiejunas highlights first thing; instead, I shamefully produced videos for other, non-Lithuanian players. I am very sorry. I have brought shame upon my channel, myself, and my family. It’s probably too late, but now you can watch D-Mo scoring 18 points. A…