Thanks to the National Security Administration, I have in my possession detailed logs from every time Jordan Clarkson accessed google.com. After removing extraneous timestamp, connection, and user agent information, I have a 200-page file of all of Clarkson’s search queries in the past month. Here is a chronological sample presented without edit: -“How to look…
Read MoreMonth: January 2015
Willie Green 16 Points Full Highlights (1/29/2015)
There was a time when I thought Willie Green was an underrated player. A time lost to all about the most wizened elders, a time when peach trees blossomed on the riverbanks. A time when the Hawks had Tracy McGrady, as well as Willie Green. Wet Willie put up some decent per-36 scoring numbers that…
Read MoreBrandon Knight 16 Points/9 Assists Full Highlights (1/29/2015)
At first glance, this doesn’t seem like an especially productive game for Brandon Knight. He’s had tons of games scoring more than this, though not as many with more assists. There are surely much more worthy performances that he’s had this season, performances where I didn’t make highlights despite this being a halfway-themed Bucks channel….
Read MoreLou Amundson 17 Points Full Highlights (1/29/2015)
Finally. FINALLY. Lou Amundson has been in the league forever, he’s been kicking around the whole time I’ve been making highlights, yet he’s never had a good scoring game (apparently I missed it when he scored 21 points, DAMMIT). I could feel this coming. The Knicks have been starting him for a few games now,…
Read MoreJaKarr Sampson 13 Points Full Highlights (1/28/2015)
The locker room was a jubilant place after a blowout win over the Pistons. There was much laughter as the assorted Sixers discussed their plans for the evening. However, to the side, JaKarr Sampson sat silently, looking down at his lap. “Hey rook, what’s bugging you?” asked Luc Richard Mbah a Moute, noticing that the…
Read MoreJosh Smith 18 Points/4 Threes? Full Highlights (1/28/2015)
I’m tired of everyone dumping on Josh Smith all the time. All people can talk about is “bad shot selection” this and “significant negative on the court” that. He has feelings too, you know. So, if you’re reading this Josh, please enjoy this expertly compiled list of your better qualities. – When his jumper goes…
Read MoreLangston Galloway 17 Points Full Highlights (1/28/2015)
Everyone enjoys a heartwarming underdog story. In this case, Langston Galloway has shown that anyone who has incredible basketball talent, the size to match, and has played extremely well in college can make the NBA. An example that we can all aspire to. Alright, so maybe it’s not that exciting. What would really be cool…
Read MoreZach LaVine 17 Points/2 Dunks Full Highlights (1/28/2015)
Zach LaVine is the one person that can possibly save the dunk contest this year. Sure, you could have maybe Gerald Green or something, but Zach has the highest potential for aerial acrobatics of this year’s entrants. Zach’s not a great in-game dunker, most guards like him only get to throw it down in transition,…
Read MoreJusuf Nurkic 15 Points Full Highlights (1/28/2015)
In addition to my prodigious talents as a highlight compiler, I also dabble in a totally unrelated field: video game design! In honor of Jusuf Nurkic scoring 15 points I thought now would be a good time to share my as yet untitled game concept. Basically, it’s like the GTA series, except instead of one…
Read MoreLance Thomas 17 Points Full Highlights (1/28/2015)
Sipping my morning cocoa, I look over towards the large flat-screen television that I keep in my kitchen. It has been programmed to show running counts of all the videos I’ve made this year. It reads: “LANCE THOMAS: 4 VIDEOS”. “Four? Looks like the damn thing’s busted again,” I mutter under my breath, walking over…
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