January 2015 – Page 8

Timofey Mozgov 16 Points Full Highlights (1/21/2015)

“Yo Timofey, I heard from some of the guys around the league that you like to party real hard,” said Matthew Dellavadova. Timofey nodded. “Yes. I party in the Russian manner, and American consider it to be very extreme form of party.” Matthew puffed up a bit. “Well, down under, we do it a little…

Chandler Parsons 22 Points Full Highlights (1/21/2015)

Jenny Smith of Houston, Texas stared listlessly at her word processor. Ever since Chandler Parsons had gone to play in Dallas, her Parsons/Lin fanfiction storyline had come to an abrupt halt. She didn’t understand why it had to be this way. Her dad said that the Dallas team, whatever their name was, had paid Chandler…

Michael Carter-Williams 27 Points/7 Assists Full Highlights (1/21/2015)

10 out of 26 may seem like a bad shooting night, but in the context of Michael Carter-Williams’ shooting efficiency this year, it’s positively average! Man, these goalposts are just moving all over the place. What we should be impressed with is that MCW managed to get 7 assists while only committing 3 turnovers. How’s…

Enes Kanter 24 Points/17 Rebounds Full Highlights (1/21/2015)

Lost in the ecstatic falderal around Rudy Gobert’s emergence is the vague disappointment of Enes Kanter. The 3rd overall pick from four years ago, still only 22 year old, written off already. His refined offensive game is no match for the raw potential of the 2 months younger Gobert. The Jazz must have seen enough…

Elijah Millsap 12 Points Full Highlights (1/21/2015)

The Jazz announcers were going on about how hard Elijah Millsap plays, and how impressive that was. That’s cool. I always like to see players with heart and determination, attempting to dispel the notion of NBA players as lazy bum divas. But isn’t energetic play what you would expect out of a D-League callup? They…

Nicolas Batum 27 Points/6 Threes Full Highlights (1/21/2015)

“Bon Dieu de merde,” Nic whispered, watching with fascination and horror. “I warned you something bad would happens.” Victor Claver whimpered. Nicolas Batum and his Spanish teammate were rooted to the floor as the horrific scene unfolded before their eyes. What had started as an innocent experiment on the effects of microwaves on basketballs had…

Andrew Wiggins 18 Points Full Highlights (1/21/2015)

Andrew Wiggins has shown the ability to throw down some nice dunks so far this season. He looks effortless getting off the ground, graceful while flying through the air. A worthy entrant in the slam dunk contest, all things considered. There is only one problem. He doesn’t use enough power! Sometimes you just have to…

Kenneth Faried 26 Points Full Highlights (1/20/2015)

Kenneth Faried slaved away at the stovetop as Brahms’ piano concerto #2 in B-flat major played in the background. A loaf of the finest artisan sourdough lay on the counter next to a quantity of 20-year aged cheddar, both waiting to be consumed in the form of grilled cheese sandwiches. Suddenly, he heard the sound…

Jerami Grant 12 Points/3 Threes Full Highlights (1/19/2015)

“Luc, we got a problem, man.” Luc Richard Mbah a Moute looked up from tying his shoes. “What are you talking about?” Jerami looked sternly at his veteran teammate. “You remember that sex advice you gave me a few days ago?” Luc, who gave a lot of advice to everybody on the team, didn’t specifically…

Nick Young 24 Points Full Highlights (1/19/2015)

Somehow I, a noted ignorer of celebrity gossip, have become aware that Nick Young AKA Swaggy P was dating Iggy Azalea. The first thing I did is look up pictures of her on Google Image Search. Usually when I do that for celebrities, it’s because I want to find nude scenes, but not this time….