“Congratulations, it’s a healthy baby boy!” exclaimed the nurse, holding a wet, shriveled, and screaming Trey Burke in her arms. “Have you come up with a name for him?” she asked, handing the baby back to his exhausted, sweaty mother. Trey’s mom exchanged a look with her husband, who was standing beside the bed. “Well…”…
Read MoreMonth: December 2014
Joe Harris 13 Points/3 Threes Full Highlights (12/30/2014)
It is official: the Hawks have the worst camera angles in all of sports. What the heck is going on during Joe Harris’ first shot? It’s like some art-school dropout got a hold of the clips of the game and just mashed them together in an arty way. It’s going to seriously hamper your enjoyment…
Read MoreBrook Lopez 29 Points Full Highlights (12/30/2014)
Brook “Set-Shot Willie” Lopez has been nearly forgotten by Brooklyn fans (except for his contract). They have been enjoying Mason Plumlee, thank you very much. Brook’s been injured for so long that it feels unnatural for him to play. But the fact of the matter is that Mason is nowhere near the talent offensively that…
Read MoreShabazz Muhammad Career High 30 Points/5 Threes Full Highlights (12/30/2014)
From the dumpster fire that is the Timberwolves’ season, a dumpster phoenix rises majestically from the ashes. You can guess who that phoenix represents. No, it’s not a real phoenix, those don’t exist. Come on. You know this one. Sh… Sha… No. Not Shavlik Randolph. He plays for the Phoenix Suns, true, but he is…
Read MoreAndrew Wiggins 21 Points/2 Dunks Full Highlights (12/30/2014)
This will be the year that indicates if the NBA awards voters care about advanced stats at all. I view the Rookie of the Year race as being down to two players: Andrew Wiggins and Nikola Mirotic. Wiggins has the edge in raw stats per game. As he should; he plays on a horrible team…
Read MoreMike Dunleavy 23 Points Full Highlights (12/30/2014)
If Mike Dunleavy were a kind of hot sauce, what kind would he be? Think carefully before answering. While it may not seem that hot sauces would be analogous to basketball players, there are lots of comparable attributes. For example, Mike Dunleavy likes to shoot three-point field goals. What kinds of hot sauce have a…
Read MoreJohn Henson 11 Points/5 Blocks Full Highlights (12/29/2014)
John Henson has had five blocks in each of his last two games, both times playing around twenty minutes. Now the question is: does Jason Kidd disapprove of people on his team getting triple-doubles? Because Henson would get one fo sho if you played him forty minutes. Rebounds, points, and blocks. But let’s not stop…
Read MoreZaza Pachulia 15 Points Full Highlights (12/29/2014)
I am so tired of watching Zaza Pachulia. Sometimes he makes a fancy pass that you wouldn’t expect from a center, but that’s the only good thing he ever does. I’m pretty sure his vertical is worse than Joel Przybilla’s would be right now if you were to test him. He has no touch at…
Read MoreGerald Henderson 19 Points/5 Assists Full Highlights (12/29/2014)
Here’s how you know that a team sucks: a player that was getting no minutes all of a sudden gets a lot of minutes, or vice versa. Using this advanced logical formula, you can tell me that Gerald Henderson went from a few DNP’s at the beginning of the season to nearly 40 minutes in…
Read MoreRudy Gobert 11 Points/13 Rebounds Full Highlights (12/29/2014)
NBA players like to swear. In that regard, they are no different than anyone who plays basketball past elementary school. It’s an intense sport; when you get into it, stuff just flies out of your mouth without any filter that you might normally have. I myself have said regrettable things on the court (no I’m…
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