Dang, I’m sorry. You know that Christmas gift I lovingly prepared for you? The Cory Joseph 14 Points/5 Assists Full Highlights? In the manner of a piece of technology, it is out of date hardly after being received. How was I supposed to know that Cory Joseph would trump his performance the very next day?…
Read MoreMonth: December 2014
Cole Aldrich 10 Points Full Highlights (12/25/2014)
Cole Aldrich isn’t good at many things, so, in order to portray him in a positive manner, I have invented a stat which he can lead the league in: Shoulder Width/Head Size Ratio. Just look at those shoulders. Did he have a plastic surgeon stick in some silicone shoulder implants? With those babies he could…
Read MoreNikola Mirotic 13 Points Full Highlights (12/25/2014)
Nikola Mirotic stared blankly at the flickering, flashing TV in front of him. His eyes saw the pointless images on the screen, but his brain did not comprehend them. Instead, his mind dwelled, as it had for the entire preceding week, on loneliness and homesickness. Yes, the Bulls had won the Christmas game in front…
Read MoreWesley Johnson 19 Points Full Highlights (12/25/2014)
You can sometimes tell that these national commentators don’t really know what’s going on. That’s fine, I guess. It’s hard to keep track of all the players, even I mess up sometimes. So I can forgive whoever it was for saying that Wes Johnson is a young player who is expected to get better. He…
Read MoreCory Joseph 14 Points/5 Assists Full Highlights (12/25/2014)
Merry Christmas everyone! I hope you all received everything on your lists, and maybe a little extra too! (If you know what I mean, hehehe). But you’re not done yet! There is still one more gift to be presented. This one is unwrapped; its nature makes it unwrappable. You close your eyes, eager with anticipation….
Read MoreMatt Bonner 17 Points/1 Dunk Full Highlights (12/25/2014)
I was enjoying Christmas with my cat Japurri and a bag of flamin’ hot cheetos when there was a knock on my door. I got up to see who my visitor was, hoping secretly that it was that cute latina chick who lives above me, but there was nobody there. However, I did glance down…
Read MoreKyle O’Quinn 18 Points/2 Threes Full Highlights (12/23/2014)
What a perfect time of year for Kyle O’Quinn to have a good game, given that he looks like a black Santa Claus. If the Magic didn’t stick him in the arena atrium after the game and have little kids sit on his lap to tell him their Christmas wishes, they missed out on an…
Read MoreRonnie Price 17 Points/8 Assists Full Highlights (12/23/2014)
The Lakers just beat the league-leading Warriors by ten. They would have won by even more, but they gave up a 16-0 run in the fourth quarter. The narrative after this game will be predictable: with Kobe out, the Lakers can actually function as a team and get high-quality looks. I say screw that narrative….
Read MoreGorgui Dieng 20 Points/4 Blocks Full Highlights (12/23/2014)
The time is now for Gorgui Dieng to step up and take control of the Timberwolves’ center position. Pekovic is out, and Pek sucked so much before his injury that if Gorgui plays well enough, he’ll keep getting to start even after the Balkan Bruiser comes back to the court. The Timberwolves’ season is lost…
Read MoreBrandon Knight 34 Points/5 Assists Full Highlights (12/23/2014)
Illuminated only by the glowing light of his laptop screen, Brandon Knight carefully scrolled through her Facebook photos, one by one. The friend request with Bucks cheerleader Kyra had been consummated not ten minutes prior, and now he had access to all of her bikini photos. Hundreds of them, perhaps thousands. There had even been…
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